What a horrible day...

Today started like any other day, waking up in the morning, going to school etc. But today i've received so much bullshit. No. Its not like literally Dog shit, trust me i wouldn't take it if it was ... well it was like this...

1. There are these people at school that sorta/are merged together to form a group of friends. Well... lets just say that i was part of that group of friends LAST year. Obviously that isn't case right now... anyways... today at lunch i spotted them and decided to talk to them. You know. "hi", "hey", "hows life?" >.> and all i get is silence and the turning of the heads with shows that obvioulsy i don't "exist" there right now. Thats right. I'm apparently invisible. THere i was muttering a greeting and all i get are blank stares and glares. What can i say? I'm obviously not wanted. All of a sudden like someone flipped the switch or something, they all turn and are like " OH HI! Tina i didn't see you there! HEYYYY" Like i'm some kind of statue just standing there waiting for a response. Well what could I do? Nothing really =/ so i talked a bit which more sounded like muttering than anything and left... went to visit the niners that is . I spent a few minutes talking to my niner friends and everything was going well and WELL... i decided to go back. As i'm standing there in the cafeteria with my friend when i overhear.

"indestiguisable chatter"

"...I know!.... Shes so stupid.... Tina's so dumb!......Exactly! I think so too!...." Then all of a sudden one of the members catchs my gaze. She stops and just stares. I did the same as well. I guess it was pretty shocking to hear bullshit about you being displayed to teh whole room... what can i say? I'm stunned. So me and the girl ended up staring at each other for a long long time. And the girl who bullshitted obviously can't take the hint and is still bulshitting on me, catches the others girl gaze and stares at me. Being scared shitless i quickly turned around and engaged into a conversation with my friend pretending that nothing happened. =/ Nothing i could do. Sigh... i really do wonder just how much time i can take this bullshitting my so called "friends". Unnoo...

2. One of my best friends started spazzing at me. Course i'm not saying that he was wrong doing so but... can you calm down? Heres the story. I say one comment that i always say to him. It was rude but i guessed i though that he would take it as a joke. But that didn't happen. As i "offended" him jokingly, he started yelling at me. Saying " FUCK you BITCH! You say that fucking word one more time and i'm gonna be mad! I swear to god stop calling me that! Your such a fucking piss-off" me= O_O... Feeling shitty, i started saying " oh... sry about that" BUT he kept on swearing i was ok... ok/... i know... ok? so just stop spazzing. But that didn't work as well.. so i left. I mean WHAT COULD I DO? I tried =/... sigh...

3. For the Eng SUmmative we have to make a film adaptation of Romeo and Juliet. I have two good friends in my accounting class. The girl that is supposidly my "best friend" and the guy mentioned in point two. Anyways me and my friend ( girl) couldn't think of anything to do. So we started brainstorming. THINKING.thinking. etc. Then my guy friend says oh What about The little mermaid or Sleeping beauty? I was YESH i want to do little mermaid . And my friend decided on the other topic. So today... i actually started working on it, but the moment that i was finalizing my plans... guess what? My friend decided that she wanted to do the little mermaid as well? SUre she isn't copying or anything but... we had the same ideas and everything =/ i feel like i'm copying even though i'm not... sigh eyah.... but I'm still going to go as planned cause i'm WAY too lazy to start all over again >.>

What are true friends?

Today, things happened... not BIG things but things that made me ponder about the true meaning of friendships.

What is friendship?

Being nice to one another?

Having fun with one another?

Having mutual respect for one another?

Looking after each other?

Hanging out with each other?

I'm not having a breakdown... I'm not going to start bawling my eyes out after this post. BUT what is the true meaning of friendship? For many years, i have believed that it was mutual respect and joy with others.but through this year... that doesn't seem to be case.

Too much drama

Too much things that i don't want to be part of. Sometimes i ask myself, "why me? why does everything happen to me?". I know saying this is selfish. because I'm not the only one that shit happens to. Its just my human brain that is making me think this. But who can you blame? Ahh well... there are many things that amaze me in life... ANYWAYS back to what i was talking about!

I don't' know who to trust anymore. Whenever i talk to someone i think, "Does she secretly hate me?", "Will she talk behind my back if we fight", "Is she acting nice JUST because?". I feel so insecure. Although everyday i act happy and hyper... it doesn't mean that I'm happy or in a good mood at all. I just feel like my problems are my own business and that no one else should be bothered by them. After all everyone has their own matters to worry about...

I guess this means that I'm the "master of faces" in a way... Its not like i can act very well... (i got C+ in drama in grade 3 :P heehee) but its that i can mask my emotions really easily. However everyone has their flaws. There are some moments where i can't mask them. My emotions are either in overdrive or I'm too tired to care about what people think about me....I guess it would be a good idea to let this out to one of my best friends.. but will they always be your best friend? It takes years to build a relationship but minutes to break them. How will i know that i can trust them? I DO trust people... but there are only a few who i can ACTUALLY reveal everything too... there are too many people who nonchalantly reveal everything to everyone without realizing it. Not like i can blame them... i do that sometimes as well.

This post is WAYYYYYYYYYYY to long... i have to end it soon... i guess i haven't really finished what i had to say and instead started on several topics all together XD darn... Me=Fail. But before i end this... i need to send a few messages out there. I'm not a hater. And truly i try not to hate... but its so hard.

#1 Don't act like you know everything... you need to know both sides before you can assume something
#2 Why are you acting like that? Many may like you but... your hiding your true self...
#3 No one has the right to say if any one's pretty or ugly. Firstly, no asked for your opinion. No one cares. What are you trying to prove? Do you think your pretty and awesome just because you say that? I'm sorry if your pretty than your only pretty on the outside.. your insides might by pitch black for all i care. Are you happy? That your good at putting down others? I'm sorry but through that comment I've lost so much respect for you.
#4 You can't just ignore everything around you.
#5 Try. If you were once friends, you can be friends again... just try
#6 I'm sorry. But i can't pity you... i agree. I haven't experienced what you have. But you HAVE to understand... there's always someone in the world that is in a worse situation than you have. Suck it up and continue living.
#7 Suicide is the dumbest thing alive. Why would you waste your precious life or people or events that happen?
#8 I'm jealous what can i say?

Musical Trances

Ever since i was little, i've know that i was different from everyone else. I was the COOL kid! :D. jks >.> as many of you know i'm not even close to a "cool" kid. I'm more like a "retarded asian girl that fails as an asian". sigh.... Anyways, the point is that i'm weird and different from others. REALLY different. For example, you know those absolutely annoying songs? With the chipmunk voices? The fast pace rhythm? The repetition that is sang over, over, and over again? Well... I actually really like them =/. While my friends are covering their ears and ticked off at the music, I am embracing the music :P weird much? I know XD Here are a few of the songs that i'm hooked on right now:

This is a german song. Isn't the bunny adorable? =3 CUTENESS!~

The well-know gummy bear... in french. Awesomeness ;D

p.s These songs DO have an english version. But for unknown reasons i think that the german/french versions were better :P And the funny thing is that .... I suck at french and german? Oh wow.... i only know how to say sausage in german (don't know how to spell it though >.> )

p.p.s or p.s.s XD yes i'm very childish :D but oh well!~

Guess

It is hard to forget

It is hard to gain after losing it

It is the biggest and brightest star in the universe

It is something that everyone needs

It has a deep meaning

It is a bond

It is an experience

It is something that we all long for

It is a place where we could call home

It is what people die for

It is what "I" need

A rant about Math

Ever heard an asian failing at math? Well of course you have!! After all I AM that asian! Wows... wouldn't life be so much more easier if we didn't have math? In fact, life would be MUCH MORE easier if we didn't have to do anything! yes, yes... of course i know that that isn't possible. But it doesn't hurt to dream of the day that this could happen.

Anyways, this post is more about me failing math rather than the general topic of math it self.... So... today i had a math test, in first period, in my homeform, and IN an already stressful week.

Well on the night before the test (yesterday) I stayed up to 12 o'clock attempting to solve quadratic equations... yes... i'm dumb... and i lost sleep over it too.

First i want to state that being a procrastinator doesn't help anything at all. Being dumb like i usually am, i didn't start writing my math notes nor started studying until 8 o'clock. Smart much. I KNOW. Well... that left me around 3 hours to 11 to study..... very very smart tina >.>. Who do i blame? me? math? nope. I blame the word "procrastinator" I mean, its not my fault that my name is the word itself --> procrasTINAtor. After all, my parents should have researched what ridiculous words my name be part of. So there :D i prove my point, i'm just following the tradition of all the Tina's in the word (jks i'm just saying this to make me sound write)

Second, HOLY SMOKES Did I ever tell you that i regret taking enriched math? Just like before, since i'm so dumb, i THOUGHT that i was smart enough that i could rival the genius in my school at math. That was dumb wasn't it? Sure i'll beat the smart kids at math... for getting below 50 % on countless test.. After all, smart kids have to try REALLY hard to fail anything. Hopefully my exam mark raises my mark or else theres a chance that i might be taking grade 10 math again =.= how fun. Academic is definitely a must next year, screw learning fast and being smart like the rest of the asians. I prefer to actually understanding what the hell i'm learning!

Finally, studying with people who are in the same situation as you isn't one of the smartest ideas that you would ever have. We're all in the same boat=We're all struggling and failing together. Ahh... friendship bonds really amaze me =.=. If you want to work on anything that you don't get, call/message/write to the smartest kids or at least kids that know what teh hell their talking about. Or it would turn out like this:

Me: Hey! I don't get question 7. Can you help?

P1: sure. Let me have a go at it.

(10 mins later)

P1: I think I got it. I'll try explaning to you.

Me: Wait. What was your answer?

P1: 5

Me: Uh... thats wrong... the text book says its 52

P1: Oh really? Let me try again

(another 10 mins later)

P1: Oh wows. I don't get it! I need help too

Me: (thinking) *sigh* what a waste of time =.=

^Just how many of these convos can you take in a day?!!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?

So this marks the end of the post for today. I apologize to the people who are offended by my writing.. and yes i am over exaggerating. But all good! At least i'm getting the point across :D

P.S Oh i forgot to mention... i'm suppose to be studying for my science test tmr... uh eyah.... half page of notes isn't really studying is it?

Back :D and strudels

Hey! Long time no talk/see/write/ i dunno,

well its been almost a year since i have written an entry for my blog. SORRY! Well i'm planning to start writing again :D but knowing me... =.= i probably won't keep this up for long. Anyways... to the first blog of the year! WHOOPIE! (i know that its January 21)

Toaster Strudels!! :D *yay*

Well today's the first day that i made toster strudels! :D

(heehee... they're in a toster ;D )

(*Yay* they turned out better than i expected)

TIME TO DECORATE :D~

Mwahaha awesomeness XD ^this is what i call pro icing :P

LMAO the second one didn't work... the package for the icing was ripped open teh wrong way and i couldn't decorate properly... so... i just squeezed everything out :D

So this is the end of my blog for today, sorry that its so crappy and pretty much i'm just blabbing on about my fatness ... well... hopefully i'll keep blogging for a while!!! And maybe next time i'll actually write something important or useful!

The falling action

T^T T.T 

OMG.... i...failed T^T my music exam!!!!

I needed more time with my piece AND my accompanist..... i sucked so badly T^T....darn...

problems:

1. chose a piece that was OBLIVIOUSLY too hard

2. chose a lazy accompanist

3. didn't practise piece till the end

4. got nervous during performance *sigh*....

5. being stupid

*sigh* was and am still depressed... but knowing me... i'll be happy tomorrow again ^.^